The semi-paraplegic stood me up

I'm fairly new to the mid-life dating scene and let me tell you, I am not having fun. Wasn't I supposed to meet Prince Charming in my 20's and be adored ever after? What the hell happened?

Tonight I set up a first date on match.com with a man named Joe. He's semi-paraplegic but I am an open-minded individual who believes you have to judge a person on their merits, not their deficits. I wasn't at all concerned that he's lost use of his lower legs. So off I go to the local Barnes & Noble so we can meet over a cup of overpriced coffee. I raced home from work to change my clothes and freshen up. I realized as I was changing that my monthly cycle had decided to make an early arrival so really, I just wanted to crawl into bed and be with my 3 friends; bitchy, cranky, & bloated. But no, I had a made a commitment to meet this man and didn't want him to think I was rejecting him (and his disability) if I rescheduled our first date. Nope, not me. I am all about living up to my commitments. I stood in the drizzle or was getting dripped on from the overhang. So I went inside thinking he'd thought better of meeting outside. I searched the tables for a single man with either crutches or a wheelchair. Not a one. So back outside I go. I wait a few more minutes and then decided to text his cell. I sat in my car waiting for a reply. It didn't come so I'm now home and he has a slightly irate email waiting for him.

I had a sense of dread hit me as I was leaving work this afternoon. My last relationship (of about 2 months) had just ended two days ago. Why was I doing this? What was the hurry? Maybe he wasn't so bad and I could call him to say I've changed my mind - great sex is enough and I can wait while you get over your divorce from 4 years ago. But I didn't. I decided I am worth more than this. Besides, it was beginning to feel like the dysfunctional relationships of my teens and twenties. Yuck.

Still, first dates are horrible. It's like going on job interview after job interview, never getting the job. I hate it. Can't Mr. Wonderful just knock on my door and let this all be over?? Plus, how do you do this as a single mother? I don't know how to handle the fine points of "having a life" when my teenagers think I was put on this earth to serve them and only them.

So I thought writing about my adventures in dating might help me gain some clarity and if not, find a way to laugh about it.